Psychologist reveals ‘single most important quality’ needed in a prospective partner - and how to notice it

A psychologist has highlighted the surprising ‘single most important quality’ you and a prospective partner both need in order for you to have a successful relationship.

Research and expert insight has taught us plenty when it comes to finding the perfect partner. We know now that it takes more than having 'things in common' for your marriage to survive and that strong marriages are made, not found.

It all goes to show that, when picking a partner, there are certain things we need to look out for - and a psychologist has now highlighted the one 'most important' quality we should be seeking out.

Citing a new study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, psychologist Mark Travers says that 'self-transcendence' is the stand-out trait that makes someone the perfect, most compatible partner. But what does that mean?

Writing in Forbes, Travers explains, "The endorsement of self-transcendence values—that is, values that motivate us to act for the benefit of others and see beyond our own needs—[is] strongly and consistently associated with enhanced romantic relationship quality."

Self-transcendence, he says, can be spotted easily in another by looking at their thoughts on two major life values.

1. Universalism. He explains, "This includes values like concern for others, respect for nature and tolerance for differences. People who prioritise universalism care deeply about the well-being of society as a whole and the environment. In a romantic relationship, this might manifest as a shared concern for social issues, a commitment to sustainability or a deep respect for each other’s perspectives and backgrounds."

2. Benevolence. "This reflects values such as dependability, caring and humility—which focus on benefiting those in our immediate environment, such as family, friends and romantic partners. In a romantic relationship, benevolence might look like putting your partner’s needs before your own, offering emotional support during tough times and making sacrifices for the sake of the relationship," Travers says.

However, it's not just your prospective partner who needs to embody the trait - you do too! "When these values are not shared, it can lead to significant disjunctions," Travers warns. "One partner may feel unsupported or misunderstood if the other lacks the empathy or willingness to see things from their perspective. Over time, these small mismatches can amass into a larger, fundamental sense of disconnection."

But when you do both actively share the self-transcendence trait, with it motivating both of you to see beyond your own needs, it brings more 'support, inclusion and deep empathy' into your relationship - who doesn't want that?

In other relationship news, a psychologist shares 6 signs you've found your soulmate (but our experts say there’s a problem for parents). And, 'sex fasting’ can ‘supercharge’ your relationship as experts reveal 3 benefits of less intimacy. Plus, what is ‘gray divorcing’ and why are couples doing it?