Marriage therapist reveals the 5 ‘beige flags’ you should never ignore in a relationship

A marriage and family therapist has highlighted the 5 ‘beige flags’ people should never ignore in a relationship - and their danger lies in their subtlety that makes them less obvious to spot than traditional red flags.

It's normal - more than normal - for healthy relationships to hit bumps in the road. Whether you feel disconnected from your partner after having a baby or your relationship is simply stuck in a rut, we've all felt that things could be a little better when it comes to our love lives.

But one marriage and family therapist has now warned that subtle signals or behaviours that are often easy to brush under the rug may hint at potential challenges to come or even suggest eventual abuse from a partner.

Dr Cheralyn Leeby calls these signals 'beige flags.' Writing in Psychology Today, she explains that these are more subtle than the obvious red flags we know to look out for when dating. So what are these small behaviours that can foreshadow more serious issues that can arise in relationships?

1. Explosiveness and Aggression. Even when aggression is not directed at a partner, someone who handles stress by using aggression will often, eventually, turn their explosiveness on a partner.

According to Dr Leeby, "Explosive and aggressive coping styles can be significant predictors of future physical abuse in relationships. [One] study found that aggressive behaviour toward objects is strongly correlated with physical abuse in intimate relationships. More recent research highlights that maladaptive coping mechanisms, including aggressive actions, often escalate into more severe forms of violence and possible abuse."

2. Jealousy and Possessiveness. "Although these behaviours may not be overtly controlling at first, they can be early indicators of deeper trust and control issues," the expert says. She explains that this 'jealousy-related' control, also known as coercive control, can lead to constant monitoring and unfounded accusations, create an environment of fear and dependence, and potentially lead to more severe forms of abuse.

3. Lack of Long-Term Friendships and Social Isolation. According to Dr Leeby, "Individuals who struggle to sustain friendships often have underlying issues that affect their ability to engage in healthy, long-term relationships.

"The absence of long-term friendships can also be a sign of a partner's attempts to isolate their significant other from social support networks."

4. Patterns of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is where someone, usually a romantic partner, manipulates someone else into doubting their own perceptions, memories, or reality. While you may be able to spot the signs of gaslighting early on, as you continue to question your own reality thanks to another's manupulation, it can be harder and harder to point out.

Dr Leeby explains, "Gaslighting is a powerful form of emotional abuse that can have long-term psychological consequences. Gaslighting can leave deep emotional scars, making it one of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse because it erodes the victim's ability to trust their own mind."

5. Warnings from Friends and Family. "Outside perspectives are crucial, as research shows that people close to the couple may notice red flags that the individuals in the relationship might overlook, especially during the early stages when idealisation and infatuation are more prevalent," the expert says. "These external observations can provide a more objective assessment of the relationship, potentially alerting individuals to dangers they might not see themselves due to emotional involvement or denial. It’s important to take these warnings seriously to prevent possible harm."

If you're worried that you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or potentially dangerous relationship, there is help and expert insight on hand to offer support. From research showing that adults who are not taught to manage their emotions are more likely to experience 'verbal abuse' to expert insight on the 10 signs you are ini a codependent relationship, why that's not a great thing and what to do about it. Plus, boundaries in relationships; having them is more important than our parents ever realised, here’s how we can set them and keep them.