'I'm messing up my forties' Paloma Faith on motherhood and her marriage breakdown

She grew up in the public eye and has faced the scrutiny that often comes with being a celebrity, but singer Paloma Faith insists that motherhood is her greatest challenge yet.

The singer, 43, split from her husband and the father of her two children, Leyman Lahcine, in 2022 and is still coming to terms with life as a single mother. Here the star, who performed at this year’s Glastonbury Festival, reveals the reason behind her marriage breakdown, the advice she’d give other women and the negative impact becoming a parent had on her glittering career…

Hi Paloma! How did you manage returning to work after having a baby?

I was privileged more than most women who work for somebody else, because they have to go back to their workplace and justify themselves. I hope employers realise that women who have babies become super efficient and they don’t need to work 9-5 to get it all done. They could probably work 9-3 and get the same amount of work completed and still make it back for bath and bedtime. I think we’re so paranoid after having kids that we probably overcompensate by doing extra work after the babies go to sleep.

How did you find your pregnancies?

After my first pregnancy, I took quite a while to myself and I did the whole breastfeeding thing for about a year. I found it very difficult because the baby was really addicted to me and the bond was very hard for both of us.

How about your second child, who was born during lockdown?

The second baby was not really for me – it was for my first baby. I didn’t have siblings growing up and I was determined that she would have someone else to talk about me to and call me mad with. She didn’t latch as easily but I didn’t put myself under so much pressure. Also, my second daughter couldn't coordinate because dyspraxia runs in my family and she didn’t know how to suck and breathe at the same time, so I pumped for ages, and gave her breast milk in a bottle. Therefore, she was a bit easier and more willing to go to multiple people, and seek food elsewhere.

Do you ever regret being so open and honest about your struggles with motherhood, especially as a popstar?

I was worried, I’m not going to lie. I would like to tell you I was empowered, and thought 'screw the system!' I was told several times that being a mother impacted my job, and I noticed that the public appreciation of me did dwindle in my music career at first. But what I’ve achieved since then – being a spokesperson for women – has meant that I may be more popular, but not necessarily with the same people.

Did anything else change when you became a mum?

I definitely became more efficient, I think most women do. And I made more money than I’d ever made because I was the breadwinner. I realised I am in charge of everyone’s livelihood, and I just went for it.

Your ex-husband wasn’t working as much at the time. Do you believe that led to the breakdown of your relationship?

Probably – yes, but I would have been happy if he had just done something, and it wasn’t like I was stopping him from doing it. I remember when we had our first baby and he looked at me and said, 'I don’t know what to do. I wish I could help.' I had no idea what to do either, that's why I’d been reading a book about it for the whole nine months I’d been pregnant, yet he’d refused to read one chapter.

What advice would you give to your younger self having gone through a divorce?

I keep meeting girls in their 20s, and they say, 'Thank you. Now I know what to expect.' My advice for women in their 20s is to always expect an orgasm, and if you don’t have one – demand it! As for women in their 30s, if you don’t have a baby, don’t worry about finding 'the one', just have a baby, and then find 'the one' after. I don’t know about my 40s though, because I’m f***ing them up.