Before you had your kids, you had it all planned out. There was going to be fun family craft days and delicious home-cooked meals, shared around the dinner table, there would be relaxing bath times and everything would be beautiful.
Well...now you've got a family you're probably used to falling asleep before the kids and eating their leftovers as you scrape the uneaten peas from their plates.
Instead of watching as they create creative masterpieces and eat up all their dinner, you've probably become their canvas. Here are the various ways children manage to sabbotage any hint of style you might have possesed before they came along...
They see your top/dress/jumper/skirt as an extension of their breakfast bowl.
http://giphy.com/gifs/rT3TVX6G5cZ9K
Cheerios cannot be passed off as a funky new pattern FYI.
For some reason, cleaning up the mess on their own clothes leads to your clothes getting messy.
http://giphy.com/gifs/14qGOyLfATB5ok
They'll regularly mistake you for being an appropriate place to relieve themselves on.
http://giphy.com/gifs/W0oyhazf99nz2
Your new silk top really doesn't suit a water mark.
Even when you haven't given them chocolate, they somehow always manage to be covered in it.
http://giphy.com/gifs/4pEsrb4wkLJkI
This then leads to you sitting in, leaning on or lying in melted chocolate. Lovely, a brown stain sets off any outfit.
They'll show their appreciation of your cooking by throwing it over you
http://giphy.com/gifs/CIFOn6qs916us
Good thing spaghetti makes a great piece of jewellery...
If you think crafts with your kids will make a fun afternoon activity, think again
http://giphy.com/gifs/EyIPL8j0LgYso
It usually looks a little something like this.
You'll find yourself picking the ugliest outfits
http://giphy.com/gifs/BbEbRnxlzi2ly
They'll just get ruined anyway...
They don't wash their paws often enough.
http://giphy.com/gifs/YMzSMTMbi2af6
Which leads, of course, to sticky paw prints all over your nice clean clothes.
They have no control over their tiny little mouths...
http://giphy.com/gifs/vrCEvw8P7f5Cw
... and manage to dribble on your shoulder, exactly the same time as you put on a clean top. Their timing is uncanny.
They fall asleep while eating, probably while resting their head on your lap.
http://giphy.com/gifs/12X4BYMfgeU30k
And now you have a lovely wet patch which could easily be mistaken for either vomit or urine. Nice.
You think, 'oh they love burgers, I'll make them burgers'.
http://giphy.com/gifs/cgru47dIiSWmk
And then, when you are covered in ketchup and mustard you'll remember why it is you've left it two months since their last American-style feast. Condiments + children + clothes = disaster.
This is every time you go out.
http://giphy.com/gifs/gvZRC32fK8Tqo
They'll manage to rip/tear/cut holes in things, and you'll have no idea how they managed it.
http://giphy.com/gifs/uzSR4YuoeYR2M
More often than not you'll probably just resign yourself to it and carry on with your day as if nothing has happened.
And that, kids, is what we call having a family, it's so...
http://giphy.com/gifs/OFcP2ojNIAkec
Where to next?
