3 common phrases used at mealtimes that are damaging to kids, according to an expert

Getting kids to eat their meals is a challenge a lot of parents will identify with. But an expert shares what shouldn't be said in a bid to get them to eat more or to try different foods.

The challenge of the fussy eater will be familiar around the world. From navigating concerns they'll never develop a healthy relationship with food to worries about young children wanting to go on a diet, parents often don't realise the problems food can bring until it's too late. 

Who remembers their own parents saying things like 'you can't leave the table until you've cleared your plate'? It was a pretty common phrase back in the day, and no doubt our grandparents used it on our parents, too. However, hypnotherapist and performance coach, Julie Bale, shares how damaging it can be to children in later life if they're cajoled or guilt-tripped into eating food they don't want. 

Speaking to Metro, Julie says "In my work as a hypnotherapist, I encounter people every day who have been so conditioned by the expectations, demands and beliefs around meals that they were given as children that they now have a completely unhealthy relationship with food."

She adds "As children, we are constantly learning and creating our model of life around the messages we are given. These messages can become so ingrained that we believe them to be truth, rather than a ploy to get us to do as we are told."

There are three phrases Julie wants parents to reconsider before using them during mealtimes: 

3 phrases to stop using during mealtimes

1. "Eat your dinner, there are children starving in the world." If you really stop and think about this phrase, mentioning tragedy happening around the world will certainly not increase your child's appetite. Global hunger will not be alleviated by a child clearing their plate and is a fundamental issue to be fixed by adults. Your child won't feel lucky they've been blessed with a full plate of food, they're simply likely to be upset that such misfortune happens to other children and their parents are suggesting a sort of balance will be maintained to counteract the misfortune through them eating. 
2. "I’ve spent hours cooking that, you’re going to eat it." This is actually a form of guilt-tripping your child. We understand that it comes from a place of genuine frustration - when you have poured your heart and time into making something delicious and it gets rejected, it can make you feel angry. However, studies show detrimental effects of shaming your child, including high levels of distress and anger that continue long after the shaming event takes place. 
3. "If you don’t eat all your vegetables, you can’t have any pudding." Using food as a reward should also be avoided. Although an easy win to get the required result of a child eating their vegetables, research reveals using food as a reward is actually associated with higher levels of picky eating. Not only that, it can lead to emotional overeating and obesity in later life. 

Mum-of-three, Eve, tells us "I've always been careful about what I say at mealtimes, because I still carry the weight of being told all the negative phrases as a child, especially being told to clear my plate and being given food as a reward. My son has lots of issues with food, meaning much of what I give him gets wasted. I never challenge him on the waste, but I'm still so affected by what I was told as a kid.

Food waste seemed so shameful to me, I literally couldn't bear to put my son's leftovers in the bin. I was eating everything he son wasted, not because I was hungry, but it was almost like a physical pain to let it go. I have to get my husband to scrape it into the bin now, it's that bad. And this is all because of the constant shame I had as a child not to waste food. I know my parents meant no harm, but it has been harmful."

Julie Bale suggests nurturing mindful eating in children, while bearing in mind that often, you'll just have to let their fussy eating go and trust they won't do it for ever. Her top tips for overcoming mealtime frustrations include: 

• Adults learn to recognise hunger levels, let children do it too. Trust that they're full when they say they are. 
• Most children will eat when they're hungry - let them lead and tell you if and when they want more food.
• Try different foods with your children and ask if they like the taste. Don't push anything they say they don't like. 
• Don’t label food ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and make a list of everything your child likes to eat - whether you consider that to be a healthy list or not.
• Foster healthy relationships with food at an early age. This will build your child's positive body image and self-esteem and help them listen to their bodies. 

For more on eating with your children, you could try these recipes for kids aged three to six, or something from our collection of tried and tested fish recipes. Alternatively, there's sure to be something for everyone on our list of easy baking recipes for kids.