It takes 18 months before dads ‘feel’ like a parent - expert reveals why it takes men longer than women

An expert has revealed exactly how long it takes people to ‘feel’ like a parent after they've had a baby and how the timeline differs for mums and dads. 

In the run up to becoming a parent for the first time, there are all sorts of practical things to be done; stocking up on all the newborn essentials, reading up on newborn sleep schedules, and, perhaps even learning how to play with a newborn so you're prepared for when the time comes. But even while you do all of these 'parenting' tasks, do you feel like a parent yet? 

It's likely that you don't. And it's totally normal. In fact, you might not feel like a parent even when baby does arrive and, again, that's completely normal. 

Speaking on The Secret Life of Dads Podcast, evolutionary anthropologist, love expert, and self-proclaimed 'dad scientist' Dr Anna Machin, revealed, "In woman, it's about nine months [after baby's been born] until they feel like, 'yes, I've taken on board this new identity of being a parent. I feel competent in this identity of being a parent'," she revealed. 

But, she added, it takes men 'considerably longer than women' to feel the same. 

She explained, "In men, it takes about 18 months. And we don't know whether that's because it just does, or because men, in our society, tend to have been given less time with their children [so] it takes longer for them to achieve competency and longer to feel that they can take on the identity of that fully. We're not quite sure." 

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The fact didn't shock the hosts of The Secret Life of Dads Podcast, with both sharing that it did take them a while to 'figure out' how to be a parent. 

"It was probably exactly around the 18 month mark," one said about his own experience of feeling like a dad, while the other added, "You just figure out a way to do it, don't you?"

He added that the 18-month mark seems to be the marker for everything clicking into place, saying, "You just figure it out, you just know, it's all intrinsically there. It's 500,000 years of evolution, right?"

The expert chimed in, agreeing with the insight. "I think that's something that we, unfortunately, have only just started saying to dads," she said of the instinct comment. "When dads say to me [that] they read the books and they do a lot of thinking, I go 'that's fine! Read whatever books you want to read.' But just know you actually have got this. You actually have an instinct to be able to do this'."

If you're preparing for the arrival of your little one, we've got you covered with everything you need to know all in one place. From help with finding the best cot mattress and the best swaddle blankets, to picking out the perfect baby name, whether it's a rare baby name or a Taylor Swift-inspired baby name.