If you're struggling with your kid's big feelings, you aren't alone. Try these four simple tips backed by a certified parenting coach, that could turn things around.
Understanding our children's feelings is one of the most complex parts of being a parent. You definitely aren’t alone if you find their actions baffling, and often wonder if your child’s explosive emotions are actually because they’re a deeply feeling kid. Moving towards being curious about kids’ meltdowns is one therapist-backed way of starting to untangle what could be happening inside their little minds.
Creating an environment that will teach kids emotional intelligence - through helping them label their emotions and validate their feelings, is also backed by experts as a positive way to empower them to navigate their own feelings and those of others. Expanding on this, popular conscious parenting educator, Shelly Robinson, has now shared online four powerful reframes parents can try, for when it feels like your child’s behaviour is overwhelming.
The quick, simple tips shared on Instagram are excellent ideas to have in your parenting toolkit, ready to be brought out when your little one has pushed all the buttons they can. The expert finished her post with some gentle affirmations that support parents to feel validated in their own emotions, no matter how complicated they might be.
4 reframes to try with your kids
- Instead of thinking “My kid is making me so mad,” Reframe this as “I am responsible for my feelings right now.”
- Rather than think “My kid is being such a brat,” Try “My kid is communicating an unmet need the only way they know how.”
- It’s easy to ponder “Why is my kid so dramatic and sensitive?” An alternative is “I have a deeply feeling kid and my job is to validate their emotions, not eliminate them.”
- While it’s easy to fall into thinking “I’m such a bad parent,” Shelly recommends instead telling yourself “I am a good parent with a good kid, and we’re both allowed to make mistakes.”
Shelly reminds parents that our brains really are capable of change, and the more the reframes are practiced, the easier they become to implement. After reframing your thoughts, be kind to yourself with some of Shelly’s affirmations. These include “In this family, we celebrate failing at new things,” and “You are valuable regardless of your achievements.”
The parenting educator uses gentle guidance to encourage parents on their journey to learn from their mistakes, alluding to this being part of the messy and imperfect part of raising children - this is what we feel all parents should hear and be allowed to feel.
Shelly wrote “What we're thinking on the inside is such a strong indicator for what's going to happen on the outside with our kids. I️ see you. I know this is so hard to do when it wasn't modelled for you. We're allowed to make mistakes. And we're going to need to repair along the way. It's all part of being human and learning as we go. You're doing AWESOME.”
We are completely on board with the tough realities of parenting, and the very real phenomenon of parenting burnout. To try and tackle these feelings, we share how to explain the mental load to your partner, and how the process of matrescence can contribute to difficult parenthood-related emotions.
