Is your middle child always starting arguments with siblings? Dr Becky reveals why they’re doing it

Have you noticed your middle child is always the sibling to start arguments? Parenting expert Dr Becky reveals why that might be the case and what you can do about it.

We know that being the oldest sibling often comes with added pressure, leading many to suffer with eldest daughter syndrome even if it does eventually mean that oldest siblings tend to earn more than their brothers and sisters in adulthood. And new data has revealed that youngest child syndrome is also something siblings experience. But what about the middle child?  

"Being the middle child is hard," child psychologist Dr Becky admitted in a recent Instagram video. "An older kid, a younger kid, their role in your family is just clearer, their identity is carved out for them. For a middle kid, sometimes they're the older one, sometimes in the room they're the younger one. And so it kind of feels like they have this existential threat 'Who am I? What is my identity? How much space is just for me?'

"It's harder for a middle kid because they have pressure on both sides of birth order."

Because of this double ended pressure, she revealed, middle children are often more likely to start arguments with their siblings, fighting for space and to be heard. 

So what can parents do? According to Dr Becky, "Simply find your middle kid and just say to them, 'It could be hard sometimes to be a middle kid. I get that.' That's all!

"It gives them something they're looking for; connection, love, safety, validation," she added.

Both parents of middle children and middle children themselves quickly flooded the comments with praise and thanks for the insight. "My middle child has been complaining about this same thing for the last week. Which is new for her. However, I did exactly what you said and that definitely disarmed her and let her relax into being her, middle child and all," one parent wrote. 

A middle child added, "My 40-something middle child self really needed that." 

Dr Becky has long been on hand to offer support and insight for parents. From her brilliant explanation of ‘sturdy parenting’ and the benefits of the technique, to her guidance on how to support a child with ‘explosive’ emotions, her expert opinion has brought so many important aspects of parenting to light. Keep up to date with more family news on our family homepage.