Grandparents act as a vital rock and ‘buffer’ for children when their parents divorce, research reveals - but one in particular is more likely to step up and help

Research has revealed the vital help grandparents offer their grandchildren when parents divorce, stepping in to provide not only practical but also emotional support.

Everyone knows that family life has its ups and downs. But when the balance between the two starts tipping and there are far more cons than there are pros about a relationship, it's time to face the fact it may be better if you walked away. 

Whether you've noticed the four early signs of divorce start to rear their head, or you’ve been living in a sexless marriage for some time now and, no matter how many times you try to spice up your relationship, you just can’t see it working out, it can be hard to know when it's time to walk away. But divorce isn't a dirty word and you'll likely find that co-parenting is a far better arrangement for you and your partner than living and parenting together ever was. 

For many parents navigating a divorce, their children are at the forefront of their minds. But while it may take your kids some time to adjust to your new parenting arrangements, there's family members and relatives around you who can help to make the transition a little easier. 

Research published in the book Grandparenting in Divorced Families found that grandparents, particularly the grandparents directly related to the parent with majority custody, are vital in providing stability, support and nurturance to their grandchildren throughout the divorce process. Not only do they offer practical support by keeping their days running smoothly despite the loss of another parent, for example by doing the school run or offering childcare where they can, but they act as a rock for the grandchild while the rest of the world around them seems to be changing at unimaginable pace. 

Especially if there are relationship difficulties between the parent and grandchild, perhaps because of their anger over the sudden loss of their other parent, grandparents step in as a ‘buffer’ during times of family distress, bringing harmony back to the household. They do this for families anyway, even when parents aren't divorced, with kids increasingly turning to grandparents for life advice and grandparents, in return, saying they learn more from their grandkids than their own children! 

In particular, it is maternal grandparents who are most apt to support a grandchild after their parents have separated, most likely because mothers are more likely to be awarded custody of their children. In contrast, when children live only with their mother post-divorce, paternal grandparents can suffer as they struggle to visit their grandchildren which is damning as science has shown that grandchildren visiting a grandparent just once a month can help them live longer. 

The importance of strong grandparent/grandchild relationships in any situation, though especially in post-divorce situations, is vital. It's been proven that children who have a good relationship with their grandparents have less behavioural and emotional problems and grow up to inherit many of their grandparents' 'life long' habits that can enrich their lives. 

If you are currently going through a divorce and worrying about how your children are handling the change, our experts have shared an age-by-age guide on how to talk to kids about divorce and revealed five tips on how to navigate your first half-term as a co-parent without any fallouts. Plus, new research has revealed the biggest co-parenting worries for divorced parents.