4 tips to help teens cope with exam results disappointment, from a psychologist

Exam conditions returned to pre-pandemic levels this year, with experts warning this could result in a downturn in grades. We spoke to a psychologist, who explained the types of disappointment your teen might feel on results day, and shares her four tips to help teens deal with the feeling.

Whether you're waiting for A Level results day, or hanging on to see how your teen does on GCSE results day, this can be a stressful time for both you and your teen. You've probably experienced an element of exam stress, and supported your youngster through this challenging aspect of sitting multiple tests.

Having carried out all the preparation you need to get your teen through their exams, the next stage is to consider what could happen if they don't get the grades they were hoping for. Educational Psychologist and GoodtoKnow resident expert, Dr Patricia Britto, spoke to us about the types of disappointment teens might experience, and what they might look like. She says "Young people are likely to experience either two types of disappointment such as outcome-related or person-related, which can have a negative impact on their emotional well-being."

She explains "When young people experience outcome-related disappointment, such as their results do not match their expectations or what they had predicted, it can yield a sense of loss. Those who experience person-related disappointment from their exam results may feel that they or others caused the disappointing outcome, which can also lead them to experience the process of loss and grief."

Dr Britto's explanation is especially pertinent in light of the news that experts warn GCSE and A-level results will be lower this year. Exams will be taken in full pre-pandemic conditions - this will mean attending in person, and sitting in silence at single, forward facing tables until the exam ends, for the first time since 2019. Years in between have seen students given information about exam topics, and other precautions put in place to counteract the loss of learning caused by school closures. 

According to Wales Online, the extra measures taken to mitigate lost learning since 2019 has led to record high results some deem to be 'grade inflation.' Such measures include students awarded results based on teacher assessments when exams were cancelled. In 2022, candidates resumed sitting exams at school, but were offered extra support in the form of advance information on topics covered in the tests, and a more 'supportive grading approach.'

Kerry Davies, head of general qualifications monitoring and standards at Qualifications Wales, has warned of lower results this year as exam conditions return to pre-pandemic standards. She said "It’s important that everyone has a clear and shared understanding about the value of learners’ grades and that’s why it’s vital we continue our journey to pre-pandemic assessment arrangements. Overall we expect that national results this summer are likely to be lower than they were in 2023."

To help parents prepare for their teen not getting the results they hoped for, Dr Britto shares her tips for helping deal with results disappointment.

4 expert tips to help deal with results disappointment

1. Sit with your feelings. Dr Britto suggests parents allow teens to have their feelings, and not to rush them into feeling OK too quickly. She suggests that young people experiencing disappointment might make statements such as "I’m so useless; I will never pass anything again", which are normal, but require the nurturing support of parents in the aftermath.
2. Don't blame yourself or others. Again, your child's initial reactions could include chastising themselves for what they consider to be a 'failure.' They might lash out at parents for their perceived errors. Dr Britto says "Young people may begin to have a negative self-concept and self-esteem when they do not achieve what they had hoped for, which can have a negative effect on their overall well-being." Again, allow them to have their feelings, before encouraging them that all is not lost.
3. Think about alternative outcomes for the future. They might not have the results they want, but your child can still achieve their dreams - they might just look a little different, or they could take a longer route to get there. Dr Britto tells us "Discuss with them what they'll need to do to achieve the results they desire. Ask questions with them such as 'how can I re-writing my own story?'" This will offer them back some control over their narrative.
4. Seek adult support. You know you're there for them, but they need to know you'll always be there for them with non-judgmental, supportive advice. Dr Britto suggests "Go over areas they might need to improve on to achieve what they set out to do. Make a plan and support them in the steps to achieve the desired goals."

If you believe there has been an error in your child's results, check with their school or institution to see if their papers can be marked again. Policies differ over how easily this can be done, but it could be worth looking into the process if will put your child's mind at rest. If their papers are marked again and the result is the same, use the feedback positively to identify areas of improvement. Encourage young people to take criticism constructively, using it to build a plan to implement changes to their future studies. 

It is also important to support your child if you see them struggling with the pressure of comparison culture, as Katherine Pavling, Head of GCSE at Explore Learning, explains: "With all the pressure children feel in the run-up to GCSE exams, it can feel like the end of the world if your child doesn’t get the results they hoped for. We often see students achieve good grades but still feel disappointed because a friend did better. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in combating this unhealthy mindset, as there is a huge pressure on teens to match or outperform their peers.”

Katherine advises to:

• Don't immediately focus on grades: Asking about specific grades right away can increase anxiety, which can make young people feel lonely and afraid. Instead focus on their emotional state and well-being to show you value them as a person and not just for their academic achievements.
• Avoid comparison of results with siblings or friends: Remember, each teen's journey is unique. Try to encourage your teen to focus on their own progress throughout their studies.
• Celebrate their efforts: Katherine says: "Acknowledge your child's efforts, regardless of the outcome. Remind your child that they aren’t defined by their exam results and this doesn’t mean they can’t succeed in the future."

For more on teens, are you confused by teenage slang words? You won't be once you're up to speed with our handy guide. It might be difficult, but giving your teen the space and opportunity to be independent, is the best way to help them thrive according to an educator. If they're struggling with big emotions, reflective parenting could help manage their feelings.