7 exam stress tips to help your child keep calm (and #5 is important for parents to remember)

It's normal for children to feel exam stress when they have tests coming up, but there are ways parents can help ease the pressure. Here, the experts share seven top tips...

While most parents understand that exam results are not the be-all and end-all in determining your child’s future, that's not always how kids see it. Whether it's GCSEs, A-levels or even a set of mocks, exams are a challenging part of school life for many, but as their parent you can make this time slightly easier. Encouraging your child to open up about how they're feeling, making sure they get some downtime in between studying and knowing what they should eat before an exam and how much sleep teenagers need are just some of the ways you can make a difference.

CBT therapist and Counselling Directory member Tom Holland-Pearse told GoodtoKnow: "You may have heard of 'fight and flight' before - usually in the context of a caveman fleeing from a predator - but it is every bit as relevant when discussing exam stress and how this manifests in our thoughts, feelings and behaviour...Whichever response you tend to have (perhaps you have multiple), there’s no doubt about it: neither is a good strategy for achieving your best in the upcoming exams. Too much stress is no good for your emotional regulation or storing memories, and ignoring the problem is no good because you won’t learn anything!"

With this in mind, we've spoken to Tom and other experts to find out some of the key ways you can support your child if they're suffering from exam stress.

How to spot if your child is suffering from exam stress

According to the NHS, there are certain signs to look out that indicate your child is suffering from exam stress. These include:

• Worrying a lot
• Feeling tense
• Headaches and stomach pains
• Not sleeping well
• Feeling irritable
• Losing interest in food or eating more than normal
• Not enjoying activities they previously enjoyed
• Being negative and having a low mood
• Feeling hopeless about the future

How to help your children with exam stress

1. Talking about their feelings

Be calm, positive and reassuring and put the whole thing into perspective. Try reminding your child that feeling anxious is normal, and nervousness is a natural reaction to exams. You can even explain times that you have felt stressed or worried, and give them examples of how you overcame your fears.

Dr Danielle Grey, clinical director of Purple House Clinic Birmingham advises: "Discuss exam pressures in a compassionate, patient, and proactive approach. At the core of helping a child through such experiences is establishing a consistent, safe, and nurturing environment where they can express their feelings without judgment. Understanding that feeling nervous is normal can help children manage stress better, while open communication fosters a supportive environment where children feel safe to express concerns."

She suggests dedicating quality moments of time to your children where you set aside other distractions to and discuss exam pressures. "When children feel that unwavering support, they are more inclined to reach out for guidance, share their fears, and confidently navigate the maze of life's challenges," Danielle says.

If your child is reluctant to open up to you, you could encourage them to use a gratitude journal or positivity planner instead, to help them work through their emotions.

2. Help your child to study

Make sure your child has a comfortable and quiet place to work and study, and ask them how you can best support them with their revision. However, Dr Danielle Grey reminds us that this doesn't mean you should resolve all your child's challenges.

"By allowing them to grapple with challenges, they not only learn to find solutions on their own but also develop critical problem-solving skills," she explains. "This hands-on experience in handling difficulties bolsters their confidence and teaches them perseverance. In the long run, fostering this sense of independence and resourcefulness in children equips them to face life's challenges with resilience and tenacity."

However, if your child is struggling and needs extra support, take time to understand their anxieties and difficulties. Try to understand what support they need and share how you will support them to overcome the challenges. Continue to check in to explore whether the plan has resolved their concerns or what you might need to consider next.

3. A balanced diet

A balanced diet is vital for your child's health, and can help them to feel well and focussed during exam periods. That said, a small treat - whether that be their favourite takeaway on a Friday, or some energy boosting snacks during revision - is also a great way to help them look forward to something and distract them from worrying about exams.

Elsewhere, be sure to include adequate protein such as lean meat, oily fish, beans and pulses, eggs and low-fat dairy products, and complex carbohydrates such as wholegrain, wholewheat, wholemeal varieties of cereal, bread, rice or pasta wherever possible.

4. Encouraging exercise

It's well documented that exercise can help alleviate feelings of stress - and it doesn't need to be an intense workout. In fact, a study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that just 20 minutes of physical activity three times a week can have a positive effect on stress, depression, and anxiety. This activity can be cleaning or gardening, for example – it doesn't have to be traditional exercise.

CBT therapist Tom agrees that it doesn't matter what form of exercise your child does, any movement will help. "Just get away from that desk and MOVE. At least 30 minutes a day, and team sports (which include a social element) are even better. It’s good for your body, good for your mind, it will improve your sleep and it will improve your appetite. There are very few instances in life where exercise isn’t a plus - and during a busy exam period is no exception."

5. Don’t add to the pressure

It’s normal for parents to want the best for their children, but you may be adding to the pressure they’re already feeling without even realising it. According to NHS Inform, support group ChildLine says that many of the children who contact them feel that the greatest pressure at exam time comes from their family.

"Before your child goes in for a test or exam, be reassuring and positive," they advise. "Let them know that failing isn't the end of the world. If things don't go well they may be able to take the exam again. Talk about the parts that went well rather than focusing on the questions they had difficulties with. Then move on, rather than dwelling on things that can’t be changed."

6. Schedule in downtime

Not only will some restful time help alleviate any worry or stress your child may be feeling, it could also help them perform better in the exams. Tom Holland-Pearse explains, "In order to ‘memorise’ everything, your brain will need periods where it’s simply not cramming more in. And secondly, it’s always good for your mental health to have something just on the horizon to look forward to." He advises one or two days a week with no studying at all.

Meanwhile, Dr Danielle explains that having a schedule determining when to study can help children manage their time and feel more in control. She adds, "Breaks are really important - taking breaks can boost concentration and support our ability to retain information. It can be difficult to take regular breaks since we can become caught by the belief that ‘more is more’, but they are an important part of the learning process and will allow our brains to process information rather than becoming overwhelmed."

7. Getting enough sleep

Stress disrupts our sleep, if we sleep badly, we’re less able to cope with stressful situations, according to one study in the Behavioral Sleep Medicine journal, which can then create a vicious cycle of poor sleep and stress symptoms.

In addition, sleep plays a critical role in memory consolidation - where the brain commits new information to long-term memory - so getting plenty of sleep will help your child perform better in their exams.

Dr Danielle says: "Allowing time to wind down from studying before bedtime will support children to slow down and relax. Winding down should be about activities that support sleep, such as reading, relaxation and showering, rather than using tech."

Meanwhile, Tom suggests having a cool, dark and quiet environment, and avoiding caffeine and sugar for six hours before bed.

If you're worried about your teen's stress levels through exam season, check out these four expert tips for guiding them through. You could teach them these relaxation techniques for stress too.