Have you ever told a fib and been caught out? How did you feel? When you are honest with yourself and with other people you feel happier, healthier and less stressed.
Being honest means doing the right thing, even when no-one’s watching. This includes keeping promises, admitting when you’ve made a mistake and telling the truth. It’s not always easy to do.
You might exaggerate by telling friends you've scored higher on a video game than you actually have, or make excuses about why your homework isn’t finished. Sometimes you might lie lie to avoid hurting other people’s feelings, like saying a birthday cake tastes nice when it doesn’t. These are known as “white lies” because we believe they’re small and harmless and tell them for someone else’s benefit instead of our own.
The benefits of being honest
Being honest builds trust. When you're honest, people are more likely to understand and believe you. If you're used to telling lies, even small ones, you risk hurting other people's feelings and breaking their trust. Dr Lara Warmelink studies why people lie and she says when people lie a lot, others “won’t believe them, even if they are telling the truth later on".
It’s also important to be honest with yourself. Recognising that you are worried or upset makes it easier to explain your feelings to others. Honesty is even good for your health. A study shows that when people make an effort to stop telling lies, including white lies, they feel happier, healthier and less stressed.
Dan Ariely, an author and professor of psychology (the study of thoughts and feelings) has found that people are more likely to be dishonest if they think they can get away with it – and if they see other people not being truthful.
However, he also found that people are more likely to be honest if they are reminded about it. A good way to stay on track is to keep an honesty journal (see below) and record how it feels to be truthful.
How to be a lie detector
- Listen rather than look: Experts say it’s easier to control our body language than our voice, so listen closely to what someone says and how they’re saying it.
- Look for pauses: When someone is not telling the truth they’re more likely to pause before answering a question.
- They keep it brief: A study shows people say less when they’re lying.
Create your own honesty journal
In a notebook, write down all the times you make a choice to be honest with yourself and others. So instead of making up an excuse when you’re late meeting a friend, you explain that you just didn’t leave on time. Record how this makes you feel with words, stickers or by drawing emojis.
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This feature was originally published in June 2024 in The Week Junior, which is also owned by Future Publishing.
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