"It's complicated, but banning smartphones for kids isn't the answer", claims one mum

The recent advice from mobile network EE suggesting that children under 11 shouldn't be given smartphones echoes a growing concern. But it’s not that straightforward.

Their advice is well-meaning, but ultimately, it’s up to us parents to help our kids navigate the digital world instead of just banning or restricting their phone use entirely.

When my son Milo was younger, he had access to various tablets - from Kindles to iPads - but I didn't consider giving him a phone until he started secondary school. Even then, I was hesitant to give him a smart phone. However, given that he had to walk home for thirty minutes, the peace of mind that a mobile phone provided us was invaluable. We could contact each other easily, and yes, we also have trackers on our phones to ensure each other's safety.

From early on, I was vigilant about online privacy and safety, thanks to my experience as a producer on a kid's online site and my volunteer work with Childline. As a result, parental controls were a given on every device my son used, and this practice continues even now that he's 14. But it's not just about controls - it's about education.

I agree that unrestricted access to the internet under the age of 11 is too much, and EE's suggestion of a non-smartphone for young children is sound. Interestingly, my son recently admitted that he would have preferred a simple phone for calls and texts if he could go back and start over. But the reality is more complicated.

For instance, the proposal to ban smartphones for under-16s, or restrict their use in schools, sounds appealing on the surface, but how practical is it? In my son's school, all homework is set on Microsoft Teams. They use their phones for quizzes, tests and even for updates on what PE kit to bring to school. Recently, Milo completed his Duke of Edinburgh Bronze award, which required him to upload progress reports through an app. Without a smartphone, he would have struggled to participate fully in these activities, which ironically were all about getting him away from devices.

We live in an increasingly online world, and it's our duty as parents to teach our children how to live in it responsibly. The problem is that many parents aren't equipped to do this. However, this won't be an issue forever; our children will grow up more tech-savvy than we ever were. Until then, we must guide and monitor them.

This isn't to say that my son's experience with a smartphone has been without challenges. I remember the night he came to me, age 13, and confessed he'd seen some explicit content online. It was a heart-sinking moment, but it led to an important conversation about online porn, including what he saw and why it wasn't reflective of reality.

Incidents like this make me nostalgic for the days when "racy" meant sneaking a peek at a Jackie Collins novel at a sleepover. Smartphones do strip away some of that innocence, and that's a hard truth to swallow. It also made me realise that parental controls don’t block everything…

There's also the undeniable impact of social media on mental health, particularly for girls. I see it in my friend's daughter, who is 13 and heavily influenced by TikTok, to the point of developing anxiety about her appearance.

My son also uses TikTok, but more as a distraction. He also learns a lot about the world through the app, but importantly, I've taught him to verify information through trusted sources, so he doesn’t fall foul of fake news. This kind of education is crucial in today's digital landscape. I’m glad to see my son’s school does include some teaching around this, but it needs to play a bigger part in the national curriculum.

I regularly check Milo's phone, and while he knows I monitor it, he doesn't know I sometimes do random spot checks. Is it ever OK to check your child’s phone? Um, yes. As his parent, it's my job to keep him safe, just as I wouldn't let him attend a festival alone at 14, I won’t let him use his phone solo. We have a strong relationship, which makes it easier to discuss the things he encounters online.

We've talked about the dangers of cyberbullying and the tragic consequences it can have, but these discussions are made possible because he has a smartphone. I understand not everyone has this close a relationship, but that’s when using your parental smart comes in. If you and your kid can’t be open about stuff, don’t give them a phone.

I also hear parents moaning about their kids being glued to their phones, sharing their tricks on how to get them off, and I understand this. On a recent holiday to Italy, where the WiFi was non-existent, my non-book reading son, read two books and also had a whale of a time swimming, exploring Italian towns and eating his weight in pistachio ice-cream. If you offer them something outside of their phone, they will - on the whole - join in.

I compare it with my attachment to my CD Walkman as a teen. I’m sure there were times when my parents wanted to throttle me with the headphones as I plugged in and disengaged from conversations, but it’s all part of teens finding their own place in the world. Sure, a smartphone comes with more ‘dangers’ but this is progress – and there’s no stopping it.

Despite the challenges, I think there are significant benefits to teenagers having smartphones. They offer a level of independence that's essential in today's scary world. I feel more comfortable letting my son go on outings, knowing we can stay in contact. For Milo, who is autistic, his smartphone is also a crucial tool for navigating the neurotypical world. Whether it's using apps to help him sleep or managing his sensory needs, his phone has become an essential part of his coping strategies.

It's clear that there are real concerns about kids using smartphones but banning them across the board isn't the solution. What we really need is to focus on teaching our kids how to use technology safely and wisely. As parents, our job is to guide them, keep an eye on things, and help them grow up smart in this digital age. Instead of banning phones, maybe we should make tech education a must for all parents. That way, we can make sure our kids are not just protected but also ready to thrive in our connected world.

Navigating the world of online safety can be scary, but we've got some great features to help you through it. While social media can affect your teen's health, it' s not all doom and gloom, as this research shows. For those tricky conversations, discover how to understand your teen's point of view and what to do if they suddenly stop talking to you.